Spirited Scriveners

Michael Martin

“I’m home! Hey! I think I saw carolers down the street at the Robeys’ house. Didn’t hear singing as I got out of the car but it certainly looked like carolers. Have they already been here and I’ve missed them or are they coming here next?”

“They’ve not been here.”

“Turn off the stove then. I suspect they’re coming here next. I’ll get the kids.”

“You didn’t hear singing? That’s not good. I hope they’re not selling something.”

“I wasn’t out there long enough to hear singing if the Robeys were having a conversation with them. Or offering them something. Oh! Do we have anything to offer them? Hot cocoa? Cookies??

“Your aunt’s fruitcake arrived today.”

“Well, that’s just being rude. Unless they’re really offkey.”

“Or selling something. Or donations. I’d give them the whole thing if they are.”

“People with problems are bad off enough without my aunt’s fruitcake. What else…”

Ding Dong!

“Ooops. No time. Grab the door.”

“Hello! Are you here to sing? Tell me you’re here to sing.”

“And that you like fruitca….ouch!”

“Happy holidays to you and your family. We are here to provide some literary caroling.”

“Oh we love caroling.”

“Wait. What kind of caroling?”

“Lend your ears, my good man.”

“He’s not talking about your earbuds, Kevin. Sorry. Please continue..”

“God rest ye merry gentlemen and gentle women too. Cis or bi or non-binary, it’s all written well for you. Listen while we recite a bit of written word or two. This is the time of year and just what Spirited Scriveners do.”

(pause)

“Mame, go get the fruitcake.”

“But, I want to hear them sing ‘We Need a Little Christmas.’”

“Indeed, we do, dear. But,….”

“AHUM! ‘Amuse Bouche Haiku’ For you.”

“He’s bowing, Daddy.”

“Mom, are they all taking simultaneous selfies?”

“Shhhhh”

“Amuse bouche haiku.”

“A very little taste to”

“Whet your appetite.”

“Oh. Well, um, thank you.”

“Are they going to sing, Mom?”

“Ssshh. Go get that fruitcake.”

“And now the Spirited Scriveners offer a short story derived from the classic holiday canon of tales, myths and song.”

“Oh! Song! Good, we really do apprecia….”

“Twas the night before the holiday of your choice and Ebenezer Scrooge was counting his money…”

Whispering, “Uh oh. It’s a donation grab.”

“…Rudolfo’s nose was red from too much wassail and his wife was frosty as a result. She would melt eventually but, for now, she felt a bit alone at home defending her meager holiday spirit from the burglars of commerce and forced frivolity. She really needed Linus and his recitation. Perhaps a dance with Peppermint Patti. Could she even manage the Funky Two-Step…”

                “…’where’d you get the top hat?’…”

                “…’I don’t have a top hat, you egg nog. My hair wouldn’t…never mind.’…”

“…Through the window, they could see the neighbors rockin’ around their Christmas trees and playing Dreidel, Dreidel. How had the day snuck up upon them so fast? One minute, it’s Labor Day and the next it’s Hallogivingmaseve….”

“…Kwanzaa and Hanukkah had passed them by altogether and now Christmas Future was standing before them without presents and about to become Christmas Past…”

                “…’At this rate, it’ll be Valsainteasterfourth any minute now.”

                “…’Let’s just focus on this one right now.”

“…’What to do?’ Rudolfo reached out his hand and said, ‘I would lead you through this fog to all the places you need to be and save your Christmas’…”

“…’What fog?’ she replied. ‘It’s clear as Christmas Bells. The stores are closed. You and Clarence the Angel are in a haze and could use a quick dip in some icy water…”

“…’I love icy water . So long as it’s surrounded by bourbon,’ he replied unhelpfully…”

“…’Let’s take a sleigh ride,’ she suggested…”

“… ‘We have a sleigh?’ he asks hopefully…”

“… ‘No, but we have our Christmas stockings on. And you sound like a part of a horse’s anatomy. Take the road less travelled and walk to the cul-de-sac. It should be more peaceful there.’….”

“…’I dunno. I hear the Cranks and the Clauses are still putting up lights.’…”

“…’I’ll try not to runover their grandma as we hurry past.’…”

“…’It’s louder than I would have thought,’ she thought passing the various displays…”

“…’Especially the blow-uppy things,’ he thought back…”

“…’What does a lady’s leg lamp have to do with the holidays?’…”

“…’Or a kid in a bunny suit? I could use his BB gun to deflate them.’…”

“…’You’ll put an eye out. Keep skating along, Hans Brinker.’….”

“…At the last house, they find something unusual. A quiet little manger scene.

“…’Was Elf at the birth of Christ?’ he asks…”

“…’According to Love Actually, there were at least two lobsters and a squid. So, who knows?’ she replies…”

“…They observe silently for a while and then a voice comes from the Tiny Tim blowup next door, his crutch wobbling ever so slightly, making his head bob up and down….”

“…’God bless us. Every one.’…”

“…The cut-out Grinch stealing lights from the house responds…”

“…’It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes or bags.”

“…Max, his blowup dog with the sawn off antler, continued…”

“…’Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe the holidays, all of them, mean a little bit more.”

“…’Every one!’ Tiny Tim repeated. “Every one!”

“…Beside the street, the Grinch’s blowup bag of pilfered gifts tumbled its contents onto the ground. Rudolfo saw a small drum with a note taped to the top, ‘Take me if you need me.’…”

“…’Look, Virginia.” She thought a moment and picked it up.

“…’There is a string of bells as well.’ …”

“…’Every one!’ Tim was suddenly klieged by the light show across the way coming to life. Vera Allen’s reflection cascaded down the tiers of the White Christmas dancers as though she were coming to Die Hard on Tim’s soundtrack. The thumping beat of ‘Everybody Dance Now!’ made it unnecessary…”

“…A trio of wise men hurried by on the way to the party, ‘We all have gifts. But what the heck is myrrh?’…”

“…’This year, it’s a candle. Really? A copy of ‘Frankenstein’?’…”

“…’Back off. We give what we can.”

“Virginia turns back to the manger scene.”

“…’Try more jingle and less jangle, Rudolfo. You’re throwing off my drum beat and annoying the birthday boy.”

The Scriveners bow slowly to signal the end of the story. Then, in unison, “We all have gifts. We give what we can.”

“Every one!”

For a moment, no one moves. Then, a feeling of warmth settles over all.  

“Cookies? Cocoa? Would you like to come in?”

And so, they did.

“There’s fruitcake too but I don’t recommend it.”

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